40 reflections on life for my 40th birthday

I guess you should know that my birthday was in September. Yes, of course, I’m a Virgo. This is a late post because I was too busy Virgo-ing myself out of writing this post.

Anyways, my birthday is a big deal to me. I love my birthday so much that I ensure never to work on my birthday. They are holidays that commemorate a groundbreaking historical event, and there is MY BIRTHDAY. It is more than groundbreaking. It is a celebration of life, of grace. It is a yearly reminder that life is a gift. I take my birthday so seriously, that I would rather stay home and sleep than be at work. It’s my God-given personal holiday.

I’ve always looked young for my age, so this is no different.

I told my mom all the time that she put the wrong date on my birth certificate because there is absolutely no way that I’m my age. Well…except when I bend down and can’t get back up because you know, I don’t want to break any bone. 

The past few years reminded me to live in the moment and to never wait for when life will be better. Life is lifing whether I want to enjoy it or not. I can either live it or let it pass me by. Believe me, there is no trophy for having a schedule packed with meetings, projects, and accomplishments. Coming from me, there is nothing wrong with being accomplished, but remember to also live. Don’t be the one that was too busy to live in your truth. Live in your purpose. I need to be a little bit more extroverted so I could live outside of myself and do things that I would have never done alone before, like going to the movies alone. It’s not as hard as you may think.

Life is meant to be epic, so there will always be conflicts and challenges.

I’m also very grateful for the wonderful 40 years of life that God has blessed me with and I’m looking forward to more traveling, cozy reading, spending time with my family and friends, laughing more, and seeing more life outside of my circle, eating delicious food, practicing more self-care, journaling more, writing and a whole lot more traveling. Oops…I said that already.

My biggest flex is I’ve always been true to myself. I’m exactly who I claimed to be, and I praise God that I live a life that I’m proud of. My life is far from perfect but even with my flaws and the unsaid sorrys-I know I’m worthy and deserve love unconditionally_

I know I’ve yet to arrive at my destination, but I vow to make the journey a little bit livelier, although the journey so far has been worth it. 

I’m not gonna lie, sometimes God confused the life out of me, and yes, I know that God is not a God of confusion-but my mind sometimes just can’t comprehend His decision or will.                                                           

As I embark on this new chapter, this girl is going to experience love, peace, health, prosperity, and joy. I deserve to experience happiness and joy galore. I used to be my biggest critic and feel like I’ve not done enough. I still do at time. There are a lot of things that I wanted to accomplish at my age and haven’t, but I’m okay with that. It’s time to relinquish control back to God, although I was never in control. 

I’m leaning into the soft gentle life to help me create a more balanced life and let God does what HE does best. I vow to be gentler and easier on myself. The beauty of leaning on the soft life is that it is not based on your socioeconomic status. It is a decision that you must make for your own mental and physical health. I grew up around generations of “strong black women”, powerful, audacious, intelligent, caring…black women. They were no-nonsense women who faced adversity head-on and work their fingers to the bone and only knew how to sacrifice their own comfort for the sake of others because, for a long time, they believed that was their only choice. Maybe that was the case for them, the soft life is also about choice. So, I chose to not sacrifice myself for the sake of others in other to create the life that I desire. You can’t be the emergency contact for everyone sis. You will burn yourself out. 

I won’t get to heaven any faster for struggling on purpose__God created a day just for rest. If God can rest on the 7th day, I can embrace rest as well. 

We have lost so many people this year, that no one knew were suffering in private until life became too overwhelming for them, and took their own lives. I beg of you to Prioritize yourself. You can’t help anyone else if you’re not OKAY.

 PUT ON YOUR OXYGEN MASK FIRST BEFORE HELPING THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU.

Listen, I do not live with rose-colored glasses; I see needs and problems around me and all I want to do is fix them. To what cause though?

Running towards the things that make me happy is not about aiming to live a luxurious life at all costs. Living the soft life is finding peace within. It is more than luxury travel, and fancy clothes. Living a soft life means the constant experience of love, peace, love, health, prosperity, and joy. I want to experience happiness and joy galore. _

Embracing this new lifestyle is about embracing vulnerability, softness, and emotions that help me to filter how I perceive the world around me and how I approach life, relationship, and how I treat myself. It doesn’t mean that I’m not strong, it allows someone else to take care of me and put me first. Allow me to be pampered without guilt. 

It’s okay to be the bougie girl that invests in her mental health by going to therapy just as much as she takes care of her physical health by doing her yearly check-up, eating healthy, and exercising. Be the bougie girl that invests in travel to expand her horizon. Be the bougie girl that prays. 

Be the bougie girl, that journal. Be the bougie girl that meditates, drinks her water, and minds her business. Be the bougie girl that goes to nice diners and splurges on yourself for the mere fact that you exist. Be the bougie girl that takes 30 minutes to walk because that’s your business. Be the bougie girl that orders uber eats because you want to. Be the bougie girl that takes a road trip because you so desired. Be the bougie girl that says no without having to explain yourself. Be the bougie girl that set boundaries about what you deserve and expect from the people in your circle. Be the bougie girl that knows that she deserves a life of comfort and not pain. Be the bougie girl that takes walks by the beach just to remind you of the grandeur of God. Be the bougie girl that does not take yourself too seriously. 

Be audacious enough to embrace this counter-balancing life called the soft life that you deserve. 

Yes, I know being 40 doesn’t mean all the guilt, shame, and anxiety for the past 40 years will just disappear. But one thing I know for sure is that I’m enough and I deserve to have an extraordinary life. I’m going to enjoy the next chapter expanding my creativity, nurturing my relationships, and using my gifts and resources to make the world a better place. 

I’m looking forward to seeing how beautiful my quilt of a life full of beautiful patchwork with no obvious theme or pattern will look like. The beauty of it all is that the final product doesn’t have to be appealing to everyone. It just needs to keep me warm and looks beautiful to me.

1.        Gratitude

2.      My relationship with God 

3.      Self-care 

4.      Family

5.      Friends

6.      Pushing my boundaries

7.      Live in the present

8.      Learn to let go

9.      My work should add value, not just money

10.    Get out of my comfort zone

11.    I enjoy my own company (maybe a little too much).

12.    Go beyond appearance

13.    Adding value to someone else’s life

14.    Don’t miss any chance to travel-expand my horizon

15.    Spend time with myself and practice actual self-care

16.    Change is an opportunity to learn something new

17.    I find satisfaction in helping others

18.    I don’t need to be the loudest in the room to be heard or seen

19.    I will not compare myself to anyone or anything

20.    Hugs and kisses are my favorites medicine

21.    Difficult times might be a great teacher, but it doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

22.    There is a win in accepting defeat (raising my blood pressure is not worth it).

23.    I will continue to support others, but I can’t always solve their problems.

24.    Thinking of new possibilities without thinking of the outcome (reduces stress)

25.    Give a listening ear to anyone I can (without having to carry their burden)

26.    It’s okay to say no without an explanation.

27.    It’s okay to not be okay. Cry if you need to and ask for help. I’m not a superwoman.

28.    I stop subscribing to the strong black woman mantra. I retire my cape.

29.    Inspiration and learning can come from anywhere by just keeping an open eye and mind. 

30.    Traveling is what alcohol is to me without the addiction. 

31.    Never allow anyone to turn me into something I am not.

32.    Inconsistency is a sign of a lack of interest.

33.    Loving my loved ones in slow motion. Life is too short, and tomorrow is not promised.

34.    Don’t compromise what’s important to me and not lower my standards because someone else can’t meet them.

35.    I still don’t need outside validation to know that I ooze out magic. 

36.    It’s okay for me to continue to love some people from across the red sea. I will be okay just like they will too. 

37.    I will never take responsibility for people’s projection of me because it’s none of my business. They can hold on to them if they want, but they will never be loud enough to change my authenticity. 

38.    Every morning I’m reminded that God did not create me to be liked, but to execute the purpose that He has assigned me. Oh God! Please help me to stay focused on my mission.

39.    Pour into cups that pour back into mine. My cup is not always going to be runneth over, so I need people in my life that would pour back in my cup when needed. 

40.    Following my passion is good advice, but sometimes working a job that allows me to follow my passions outside the workplace is even better.

I will keep chasing the gentle breeze.