Men Can’t Commit to Long-term Relationship?

Why Some Guys Can’t Commit to Long-term Relationship?

Apologies for my rusty writing skills; it’s been four years since I last penned an article or poem. Living in Boston has, perhaps, made me a bit idle, lol.

Recently, I engaged in a personal and somewhat unconventional conversation with my best friend (pictured with his wife on the left). This dialogue delves into the realm of relationships, specifically exploring, from a man’s perspective, the reasons why some men find it challenging or choose not to settle down.

In his attempt to give me insights into the male perspective, he shared that many guys find it difficult to settle down because they fear missing out on potential new conquests. He explained, “Some men simply can’t fathom the idea of committing to one woman for the rest of their lives.” This led me to question, “If they aren’t ready for commitment, why enter a relationship? Why not date women who are playing the field like they are, with no interest in a committed relationship?”

My best friend suggested that whether these men’s reluctance to commit arises from a fear of being tied down, concerns about not having experienced enough relationships, or uncertainty about making the right choice, some men struggle with commitment even when they genuinely care for their partners. To illustrate his point, he used the analogy of a restaurant menu.

Now, for those familiar with me, you can probably imagine that comparing our wonderful queens to items on a restaurant menu did not sit well with me. Before I metaphorically stoned him, I allowed him to elaborate.

Please bear with me as I share his perspective.

We’ve all been through the ordeal of scanning a restaurant menu, searching for that one dish that truly tantalizes our taste buds. It’s a challenging experience, but eventually, a decision is made, and your order is placed. Now comes the real test—patience. You wait eagerly for your delectable, mouthwatering meal to arrive.

During this waiting period, my friend shared an observation. As you patiently anticipate your chosen dish, the waitress passes by with someone else’s order. The sight of the scrumptious display, the evenly distributed portions, and the savory aroma stimulates your olfactory receptors. Suddenly, doubt creeps in. Did you make the right choice? Is this meal truly for you? These questions linger as you wonder if there might be something even more delicious on the menu.

“So, what’s your point?” I asked him. His argument was that men often grapple with uncertainty, questioning whether they’ve made the right decision in choosing a partner. They wonder if they’ve found “the one” or if there’s something better out there. It’s a constant internal debate about whether their choice was well-considered or impulsive.

I nodded in understanding. We’ve all heard of friends who walked away from seemingly perfect matches. This led me to inquire further, “If you’re at a restaurant and unsure of the best item on the menu, why not ask the chef and trust that they’ll satisfy your taste with nothing less than the best?”

Self-Reflection

When it comes to finding a life partner, why not seek guidance from the Master Chef, God, and trust that He will only provide you with the best. I acknowledge that as visual beings, we often focus on the external rather than the internal aspects. However, if we trust that the restaurant chef knows the menu well enough to offer a delicious selection, then we should similarly trust that God knows us well. If we allow Him to guide us in choosing a life partner, He will ensure that our mate, regardless of outward appearances, will truly satisfy our taste buds and fulfill our desires.

God recognizes that the substance within the box holds greater value than its outward presentation.

God will never bless you with a microwavable man that’s scalding hot from the outside and freezing cold in the inside.

He ensures a slow-cooked perfection for you. Trust that God will provide someone who shares your beliefs, is trustworthy, aligns with your future vision, offers unconditional love, exudes kindness, confidence, intelligence, and faithfulness. This person should complement your flaws, show respect to themselves and others, compromise when necessary, and help you grow while fulfilling the desires of your heart.

While it may not be as prevalent for some men to fear commitment or engage in casual relationships, some remain uncommitted simply because they haven’t found “the one.”

Where am I heading with this? Just as some women don’t wish to settle with just anyone, men, too, hesitate to commit to someone they can’t wholeheartedly claim.

However, during the selection process, men should avoid deliberately toying with women’s emotions. My concern lies with men actively seeking mates without genuine commitment, those solely pursuing their desires, and those who deceive women for personal gain.

So, should these men stay single? Well, here’s the point: if you’re uncertain about commitment, don’t waste her time. Just as you wouldn’t waste a waitress’s time contemplating every dish on the menu, refrain from leading women to believe they are your best choice.

How can we avoid such men? We all desire the ideal partner, perhaps someone tall, dark, and irresistibly charming (like Morris Chestnut, hahaha). Yet, great men don’t come in identical packages, and physical appearance doesn’t define greatness.

Acknowledge that someone else’s exterior may seem more attractive, but trust that the sender, in this case, God, won’t send you anything subpar.

He will fulfill the desires of your heart. He will shape within you the desires of your heart. However, there are moments when it seems like God has relocated without leaving a forwarding address. His phone appears disconnected due to non-payment, and it feels as if He is seated on His high throne, indifferent to the emotional rollercoaster you’re enduring.

My advice is to trust in God.

Yet, let me remind you that sometimes, the challenges you face can induce temporary amnesia.

I acknowledge that God is not a genie, nor does He operate like one, granting wishes at will. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that He will create, cultivate, nurture, and fortify the desires that align with His plan for you—whether it involves marriage, motherhood, uplifting others, or any other purpose He envisions.

I’m not guaranteeing that God will eventually provide the husband your heart has always longed for. Many individuals may wait a lifetime without marrying, while others may marry much later in life for various reasons.

God doesn’t promise that we will attain every desire of our hearts. As Christians, our sole option is to trust and have faith in God.

I understand that it may seem like we’re following God out of sheer obedience, and let’s be honest, there are times when we don’t always see eye to eye with our Father.

I won’t sugarcoat it—trusting and obeying God isn’t always easy. But what other choices do we really have?

We must hold onto the belief that, in His perfect timing, God will grant us not necessarily what our hearts desire, but what He desires for our hearts. Reflecting on Matthew 27:46, where Jesus said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” can we not say that God expects us to grapple with recurring questions, internal struggles, and uncertainties about our future?

Personally, I don’t find it challenging to trust God; I rarely become disheartened when His responses don’t align with my timeline. I trust Him wholeheartedly, yet I can’t help but wonder why He doesn’t operate on my schedule…Lol. I am well aware that He can surpass all I ask or think. uhmmm…I’m human too.

Often, some of us struggle with waiting, rushing into relationships or marriages prematurely. But is it truly worth it? What I am certain of is that we will never regret trusting, obeying, and patiently waiting for our Heavenly Father.

While it might be tempting to give up and stop believing, I urge you not to. Persevere, cling steadfastly to His promises. When you pray and seek God, you’re not informing Him; you’re declaring your dependence on Him for these requests to be fulfilled. He knows your needs better than you do. Even when it feels like He may not, trust that He does. He’s aware of the confusion in your mind and will provide the strength to navigate this season of your life.

Ask Him for the endurance to wait patiently, continue seeking His guidance, and offer your sacrifices back to Him. His love is not fragmented; it’s perfect. Just as our parents desire the best for us, God’s desires extend beyond ours. He is a way maker, and He will pave the way.

His promises will eventually materialize and overflow.

God is consistently reaching out to us, desiring us, wooing us. The ultimate goal is for us to find satisfaction in Him. Also, remember that life is seasonal—filled with trials and disappointments. But if we find delight in Him, He will fill the void, whether or not He has granted our heart’s desires.

Take Away

Don’t be afraid to trust your unknown relationship status to a known God and the founder of a loving relationship.

Position yourself to meet potential suitors, but don’t allow this phase of singleness to imprison your other blessings. Refrain from dwelling on it, don’t ponder incessantly, and avoid becoming obsessed. Just live. I understand it’s easier to advise than to execute, but persistently reject obsessive thoughts until you regain control of your mind.

As you play your role, trust that God is closely working with you to bring the right partner into your life. Remind yourself of the promises God has made to you, and have faith that these promises will be fulfilled. All you need to do is trust Him. (See Joshua 23:14.)

Check out my journal collection https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3ACece+Moise&s=relevancerank&text=Cece+Moise&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1

Check out my previous post. https://cecemoise.com/a-letter-to-my-beautiful-flaws/